It’s been just over a year since our sweet little Marigold suffered multiple, prolonged and severe seizures.

There was a moment during her last seizure, as the paediatric anaesthetist was being flown by helicopter from Melbourne to try and stop the seizures by inducing a coma, that I honestly didn’t know whether or not I’d be leaving with my child.

With hands outstretched to heaven, my only option was trust and surrender. Trusting that even if the worst happened and we left the hospital without her, that God was still good. And surrender, because God was in control.

The worst did not happen. My little girl came home from hospital a few days afterwards, and then began a year-long process of grief, bouts of depression and a sacred space of lament and comfort found in Jesus’ presence.

I’ve realised through this experience that anything worth controlling is ultimately outside of my control.

I can only control the insignificant things.

I cannot control the salvation of my children, the health of my loved ones, the way my husband chooses to love our family, or the way those I love deeply betray or reject me (or worse, Christ). I can’t even control how my children respond to my love, care and direction within our homeschool. All of these things, and infinitely more, I cannot control.

And so again I raise my hands, I surrender afresh and choose to trust God. Because, as Anne Shirley would say,

“God’s in His heaven, alls right with the world”